My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
