Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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