So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
