You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
