I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
