so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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