At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
