So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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