I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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