He asked to "fluff my boner.."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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