Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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