i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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