apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
