I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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