Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
