tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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