It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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