thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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