I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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