I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
