are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
