WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
