i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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