I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
