I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
