dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
