After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
