I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
