Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
where are you?
Hypothermia
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
