My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
