Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
