But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
