Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Drunk is a universal language darling
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
