i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
