please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
