I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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