Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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