I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
