I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
