White coat. Heels.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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