our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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