What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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