covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
