Dual....:-)
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
