why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
