btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
