shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
