i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
