Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
