Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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