pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
